Back on Track
by Icea
Summary: Victor wakes up after a suicide attempt. How will he be able to cope with Linda´s death?
1. Awakening

Disclaimer: - Pacific Blue and all it´s original characters belong to Bill Nuss and North Hall Productions.  
  
Timeline - Takes place during "Best Laid Plans"  
  
Author´s Note: This is a fanfic I once started but never finished. It may have some similarities to Chiquinta´s "Annette", since I started this one before I read "Annette". I hope you´ll like it.  
  
Author´s Note 2: This chapter is a rather short one, but I wanted a chapter with just Victor´s awakening, and the questions he has to deal with.  
  
~*~  
  
Back On Track  
  
Victor opened his eyes, it took some time for them to adjust to the sudden light, but quite soon he realized he was in a hospital, with TC sitting next to his hospital-bed.  
  
"Wha-?", he asked, not remembering how he got there in the first place.  
  
"You tried to commit suicide", TC informed him, looking quite relieved that Victor had finally woken.  
  
Victor finally remembered what had happen, Linda had been killed and after he had arrested the guy who did it, he had tried to commit suicide by mixing painkillers with alcohol.  
  
Then TC started talk again. "We´ve been worried sick for you man. Palermo has been pissed the last week, making people work extra shifts, and Cory and Chris hasn´t worked at all."  
  
"Palermo making people work extra? That doesn´t sound like something he´d do." Victor said, picturing Palermo doing a thing like that. "What have you done?"  
  
"Me? I´ve been sitting here of course."  
  
Victor suddenly realized that TC looked at least 10 years older, and he had been growing a beard.  
  
"What have you done?" he repeated, finding TC´s appearance rather amusing.  
  
"Well, staying at a hospital for over a week without any sleep and without shaving, makes you look like Tom Hanks in "Cast Away"." TC replied.  
  
Victor just looked at TC for a moment, before remembering something.  
  
"Where´s mom?"  
  
"Oh, Rosa has been sitting here the past week, but I finally convinced her to get some sleep."  
  
"Thanks." Victor said with a forced smile. What had he been trying to do? Kill himself, and he hadn´t even been able to do that properly. He was a complete failure, he hadn´t been able to save Linda, and he hadn´t been able to kill himself. He felt his eyes tear up, as he asked TC to leave him alone for a while.  
  
"You´re sure? Ok, just don´t try doing that again. You scared the hell out of us."   
  
"I won´t", Victor answered; though he knew he´d do it again, but this time, he´d do it properly. 


	2. A New Chance

Disclaimer: - Pacific Blue and all it´s original characters belong to Bill Nuss and North Hall Productions.  
  
Timeline - Takes place during and after "Best Laid Plans"  
  
Author´s Note: This is a fanfic I once started but never finished. It may have some similarities to Chiquinta´s "Annette", since I started this one before I read "Annette". I hope you´ll like it.  
  
Author´s Note 2: Ok, if you don´t like self-pity and guilt, you shouldn´t read this chapter. Also, the last sentences came out very fluffy, so blame the evil plotting mind of mine.  
  
~*~  
  
Back On Track  
  
Victor had been out of the hospital for 3 weeks now, and tomorrow was the day he´d be back on duty. Palermo had been calling him at least 3 times the past few days and asked "You´re sure you want to come back? You could wait another week." But Victor was ready to come back. At home everything just reminded him of Linda, and right now he wanted to have his mind on other things, such as preventing this horrible thing to not happen to other people.  
  
He wasn´t thinking of killing himself anymore, he had seen how happy everyone got when they knew that he´d be ok. He´d be foolish to kill himself, making his friends suffer as much as he had. No, he´d continue his struggle to get over Linda, but somewhere deep inside, he knew he would never get over her.  
  
"Victor are you there?"   
  
Victor opened the door, and found Cory standing outside with a box full of things.  
  
"I thought I´d give you these.", she said, with a smile. "It´s all the stuff you had in your desk at the firehouse."  
  
"You know I´m going back tomorrow, don´t you?"  
  
"Yeah, but I don´t think you need these things there.", she replied, holding up the box, which inventory was all the things they had bought Victor at his birthday last year, which he still hadn´t taken home.  
  
"Oh, thank you Cory.", he said, blushing as he grabbed the box. "I think you don´t have to be here anymore, I have to clean and get my clothes ready for tomorrow."  
  
"Ok, but if you need anything-"  
  
"I´ll call you or someone else, I know.", he interrupted.  
  
"Ok. Take care!"  
  
"You too." Victor said these last words very quiet, not knowing if Cory had heard them. He sighed, put the box on the floor, and started to clean again.  
  
He was almost done, as he knocked a picture of Linda down. He just looked at it for a while, tears beginning to fall down his left cheek, before he carefully took up the shattered pieces of glass and threw them away. Then, when he was about to grab the picture and put it somewhere else so it wouldn´t be destroyed, he hesitated. How could a simple thing like a picture affect him so much? But he already knew the answer to that question.  
  
Linda. He could still barely recall how caring and loving she had been, and how much she cared for others. This particular photo showed him how she´d been. He remembered all the details from that very day, when they had gone to the beach for a picnic, Linda in her white dress, looking like an angel. That was exactly what he had said to her, when she wondered why he looked at her like that. "As a kid, I always wondered if angels really did exists, and if they´d ever came down on earth. Now I know that they do, for God has given his most precious angel to me."  
  
He snapped back to reality, and picked up the picture of her. It had been 4 days since Linda´s funeral, but the only thing he could remember was looking at that large crucifix, and wonder why God took his angel back.  
  
The suicide thoughts came back. What if he shot himself this time? No one would be able to save him, and he´d be with Linda again. But no, he couldn´t give his friends such pain Linda´s death had caused him, and he knew that his mother would certainly not recover if he died too. He sighed once again, as he tried to wash away the suicide thoughts and his guilt. He started cleaning again, as he found a tape under the sofa. He put it inside the video, just to reveal it was another tape with Linda, taken at the 1-year anniversary party they had about 6 months ago.  
  
"Victor mi amor, I hope that whatever we´re going through, we´ll be able to handle it together, without shutting eachother out. I know that you´re a great man and will always be there to look after me. Te quiero."   
  
It felt like someone had pushed the knife even deeper inside Victor´s chest. They hadn´t been able to handle everything together, and that would never be. They wouldn´t be able to handle her death together, they wouldn´t be able to handle Victor´s loss of laughter together. And he had certainly failed to look after her, causing her loosing her life. But still, he loved her, and before he once again trashed the place, he whispered: "I´m sorry."  
  
~*~  
  
The day after when Cory came to follow Victor to the firehouse, she found him lying there, among all the trashed furniture, together with 4 emptied bottles that had contained alcohol. Cory knew that Linda´s death had caused him great harm, but she thought all the months of therapy had helped him through it.  
  
"Oh Victor, what have you done?" 


End file.
